You’re Going to Strike Out

From Time to Time, You’re Going to Strike Out

No one, not even the savviest, sexiest guy on the planet gets every date he wants and has a 100% dating success record. You’re going to strike out once in awhile. Someone you really like might turn you down for a date, or you might have a date that doesn’t pan out well.

What are you going to do? Here’s the first thing you’re not going to do – complain. So it didn’t turn out well, or she said, “no” when you asked her out. Get over it and move on. Not every girl is going to like you or want to date you and you are going to have bad dates.

Understand that things don’t always go as planned, but we get another chance tomorrow. Yes, it’s disappointing, but it’s reality, so prepare yourself for it and buck up. The second thing you can’t do is give up.

Dating is tough and not for the faint of heart. If you ask someone out and she says, “no,” don’t take it personally. She might have reasons other than the awful ones you’re already assuming.

She might already have a boyfriend, she might be a lesbian, she might be taking a break from dating, or she might be in the middle of a family crisis that’s taking up all of her time and energy. Just don’t take a “no” personally because most times it has nothing to do with you.

The third thing is something you should do. You should take time to give some thought to whether or not it might be you. If you asked a woman out and she said, “no,” it’s no big deal.

But if you’ve asked several women out and gotten negative responses from all of them, you need to analyze your approach. Just make sure that you’re not being obnoxious or desperate because you won’t get many dates that way.

If you’ve had a date and things just didn’t go well, you can spend a bit of time analyzing what went wrong – again, it may not be you at all! Maybe you found out that you two really don’t have all that much in common.

Or maybe she picked food out of her teeth with her fingernails, or maybe you droned on and on about your last crappy relationship. Just try to see what might have happened and if you can identify problems with your own behavior, take steps to correct them before you go out with a different woman.

Striking out is part of the game, so you have to take it with a grain of salt. You’re not going to be successful 100% of the time. View “failures” as opportunities to learn something about yourself.

Should You Go for the First Kiss?

Things are going great on your date. You and she have had fun, great conversation and you like her a lot. Should you try to kiss her? The first date kiss is always a bit of a conundrum.

Some say you should never try to get a kiss on the first date, and others say that if she seems willing, why not? Your best bet is to check your own feelings and check her body language to see if a kiss is in order.

If you really sincerely like her, and you think a kiss is appropriate, then from your side of the equation, it’s okay. If you’re iffy about how you feel about her after the date and you’re not certain you’re planning to ask for a second date, then don’t bother - it might confuse her and lead to problems in the future. If you aren’t into her, leave kissing and everything else alone.

Next, you need to be aware of signals that she’s sending. If she’s leaning in, that’s a pretty sure sign that she’s into you and would like a kiss. If the two of you are cuddled close with your arms around each other, it’s a safe bet she’d give you a green light.

If she’s affectionately touching you on the hand, arm or shoulders, you can try a kiss. Some women don’t bother with innuendo and simply ask for a kiss. If so, you’re in luck. But remember, it’s okay for her to ask, but not so much for you to ask. You need to relax and wait for her signal.

Having said all of that, there is a school of thought that says you should be a complete gentleman and not kiss her on the first date regardless. This might gain points for you as a sincerely nice person, since every girl knows that the bad boys will go in for the kill as soon as possible.

If you refrain from trying to kiss her, it’s possible that she’ll view you as a gentleman, but it will also intrigue her a bit and make her wonder if you like her as much as she likes you. There’s nothing wrong with letting her wonder – it’s part of the dating game, too.

You can substitute taking her hand in yours and telling her what a great time you had. You can even give her a gentle peck on the forehead or the cheek. Some women consider this especially sweet, but they’re still left wondering a little, and in this case, that’s good.

That first kiss is always an anticipation-filled event. But if your timing is off, or if she isn’t into you yet, you’re going to end up disappointed. It’s better to wait for the right signals, and be aware of how you feel, too. If you’re into each other, it will happen at the right time under the right circumstances.

Join Groups to Find Your Next Date

People are naturally social - even those who are a bit shy, or not terribly outgoing still have social tendencies and these are reflected in the huge numbers of groups that exist – religious and spiritual groups, professional groups, hobby groups, athletic groups and of course, singles groups!

These can all be an excellent means of finding your next date. The most obvious groups to join for finding new women to date are singles groups. You’ll almost always find singles groups that are affiliated with churches, synagogues and temples.

If you’re spiritually devout, these kinds of groups can be a good place to start, but they tend to stay static without lots of new faces, unless you belong to a particularly large congregation.

There are also other singles groups that you can join. They might be affiliated with your hobbies or your profession. Singles groups are great, but they aren’t the only groups you should consider joining.

One place that people sometimes overlook as far as groups are the more general types of groups that will attract both single and married or spoken for people. Professional groups are an excellent way to meet people, and you never know, one of your married associates from such a group might know the perfect date for you!

Other types of groups that aren’t exclusively for singles, but can be great ways to meet new people and potential dates are political groups, hobby groups, neighborhood groups (anything from Neighborhood Watch to Keep Our Park Clean), groups that deal with social issues or ecological issues, alumni groups, parenting groups (don’t go if you don’t have kids!), volunteer groups, ethnic or cultural societies, the local gardening club, the book club at the library, or the snow boarding club. Any of these types of groups have the potential for bringing you face to face with Mrs. Perfect-For-You.

Don’t forget about classes, either. Are you interested in learning to cook something other than macaroni and cheese and hot dogs? Take a cooking class at your local community college.

Do you enjoy watching the stars? Take an astronomy class. Classes for planning your financial future, how to invest your money and other similar subjects are very popular community education classes and usually draw a large and diverse crowd.

In order to find your next date, you’re going to have to get out there and get exposure. You might not meet a prospective date, but you will meet people and make some friends, who in turn could lead you to the love of your life.

On the other hand, you might find that you meet Mrs. Right your first time out. Either way, joining groups, clubs and classes is a great way to open yourself to the possibilities that await you.

Don't get into a Dating Rut

Don’t Get Stuck in a Dating Rut

"Stuck in a Rut"

Boredom is a killer in a dating relationship. If she’s bored with you or your dating routine, she’s going to lose interest. There’s a reason why women like to date bad boys, at least for awhile.

It’s because bad boys spice things up. They’re exciting to be around (until they get obnoxious). You, as a nice guy, can spice up your dating routine and keep things very fun and interesting for her without having to turn yourself into someone you don’t want to be, and she doesn’t want you to be either.

Just because you both enjoyed dinner and a movie on dates number one and two, doesn’t mean she’s going to enjoy dinner and movie dates three through infinity. You have to come up with some interesting things to do that keep a sense of variety and even a bit of unpredictability in the relationship.

It will keep some mystery going and that’s something she’ll find attractive. It’s easy to stay out of a dating rut. All you have to do is put some thought into things and use your imagination a bit. Here are some ideas for interesting and fun dates to get you started:

• Make a list of all the things you know she’s interested in and likes to do and use that to come up with fun date ideas. If she’s a fitness freak, you can go hiking, rock climbing, biking or swimming.

If she loves the water, pack a picnic and head for the beach or a nearby stream – just sit there and enjoy nature and each other. If she’s into cooking, have an at home, “make a romantic dinner together” date. If she loves gardens and gardening, take her to a nearby arboretum for an afternoon.

• Invite a couple who are friends of hers to go on a double date without her knowing.
• Go on an all-out adventure once in awhile. Go white water rafting or for a helicopter flight, or even something less expensive and potentially scary, but equally as fun.
• Instead of a movie, hit the local comedy club, go to a concert, play or a coffee house that features up and coming blues vocalists - or head to the downtown festival.
• Movies are fine sometimes and so is dinner out – just don’t make it (or anything else) your only date option.

If you’ve been dating for awhile, it’s going to be up to her to come up with ideas sometimes, too. But that doesn’t let you off the hook for using your imagination to keep things fun.

You can always ask your friends and family (and hers) for ideas. If you’re aware of the things the two of you have in common and what she especially enjoys, it’ll be easy to know how to stay out of a rut and keep things spicy.

You can make almost anything into a date if it’s something that you’re both interested in – even going to the gym or to a political rally. Don’t limit yourself to what passes for a date. See the potential in everything and you’ll never find yourself in a dating rut.

Dating Disasters

Dating Disasters That Get Nice Guys in Trouble

You’re on a dinner date. Things are going well and you’ve noticed a smoking hot woman walking into the restaurant. At this moment, your best bet is to look straight at your date and ask her a question about herself.

Do not, for any reason, look at the hot woman and don’t say a word about how beautiful she is or how great she looks in her outfit! If you do that, you’re probably never going see your date again.

This is just one example of the kind of dating disasters that get nice guys in trouble and how you can avoid them. Even the nicest guys sometimes seem to forget the basic rules that we’ll talk about here and manage to insult and anger perfectly good dates by accident.

• Disaster 1 – The other attractive woman. Your date is cute, smart, funny and fun to be with. She’s great. If you’re out with her and you spot a woman who is incredibly beautiful and sexy, you need to keep your eyes off of her and on your date.

This is hard to do, because men are visually stimulated and want to look at beautiful women. Most women take this as an insult, especially before they know you well. If your eyes are wandering, she’s going to wonder if you will.

If you spend too much time eyeing other pretty women, or worse yet, mentioning other pretty women that you spy while on a date, you might as well plan on never getting another date with the same woman again.

• Disaster 2 – Something compels you to talk about your ex-girlfriends or wives. This has the potential for being disastrous because they’re usually exes for a reason. Your date probably doesn’t care to know how much you hate your ex (or for that matter, how much you love the one that got away), or about all the rotten things she did to you.

Your date isn’t your ex, and sharing those bad times is going to put a damper on the fun you could be having. Share your horror stories with your therapist. Exes probably needn’t be mentioned at all unless you have children with an ex and your dating relationship is getting to the point where you may want her to meet your kids. Until then, say as little as possible on the subject, and be kind and respectful when the subject of past loves comes up.

• Disaster 3 – You decide to offer your thoughts on religion, abortion, politics, gun control, foreign relations, feminism, homosexuality or any other hot button topic that could be sensitive.

A first date (or any date that’s early in the relationship) is not the time to talk about things that people feel very sensitive about. You could find that the date ends early if you push the wrong buttons. These subjects ultimately become important in a relationship, but early on, they need to be treated very delicately.

• Disaster 4 – You decide a conversation about sex is in order on the first date. If you’re looking to find Mrs. Right for a long-term relationship, leave sex out of the conversation for awhile. She needs to get to know you, and bringing up sex will make her think that’s all you’re interested in - even if it’s not true. If that’s the case, you’re headed for trouble.

If you want to date successfully, you need to be aware of the potential for disaster. Awareness will hopefully lead to avoidance and you’ll be well on your way to a second, third, and fourth get-together.

Are You the Kind of Man She’ll Take Home to Mother?

Are You the Kind of Man She’ll Take Home to Mother?

You may be a nice guy, but are you the type she’ll take home to meet dear old mom and dad? If you want to know for sure that you are, check out the list we’ve put together of requirements for being a good candidate for meeting the parents:

• Do you have a job? Right up front, let’s just be clear that you don’t have to be a doctor, attorney or hold a PhD in order to impress the family. If you’re a delivery driver for the local appliance store, that’s fine. The question is - are you gainfully employed, and if not, do you have a good reason (college student, just laid off – searching for work, or other good reason)? No matter what you do for a living, do you treat your job with respect and do it to the best of your ability? This is what’s going to matter most.
   
• How do you handle responsibilities? This could be anything from your job to finances to your verbal commitment to help with the community spring clean up. Do you follow through and take pride in being responsible?
• How do you treat your friends and family? The way you treat and talk about your own friends and family will be an indicator to her about how you will treat her family.
• Are you financially secure? This isn’t so much about how much you have, but what you do with what you have. If you’re new on a job and your income is small, are you still making it work for you and looking to your future? Or do you spend it before it’s earned and continue racking up debt she might have to help pay off if the two of you stay together forever?
• How do you act around kids? This is going to make a difference - especially if she loves kids and her family is full of them. If you like kids, that’s great. If you don’t, you need to find a girl who doesn’t either. And if you’ve never been around children and just don’t get them, make an effort to spend some time with them so that you know where you’re at.
• Are you clean, neat and good smelling? Sounds silly, right? But do you want a girlfriend who’s dirty, sloppy and stinky? Didn’t think so. Doesn’t matter what your style is, it’s not going to work if you smell or look like you just slept in an alley.
• How’s your housekeeping? Bachelor pads strewn with beer cans and old pizza boxes aren’t a turn on, and unless she’s a complete slob, she’s not going to like that at all. Your place doesn’t have to be perfect, but you should keep things picked up, and wipe down the kitchen and bathroom often (women hate a disgusting bathroom).
• Do you know how to act? Can you hold your own when out in public, meeting new people, having a conversation with someone (her parents)? It’s good to know how to be polite, yet relaxed, and with practice anyone can do this. It’s also good to know the art of conversation. One of the cornerstones is to remember to ask others about themselves and stop talking about yourself and don’t be a wallflower because some people will see this as suspicious.

If you’ve been dating for awhile, she’s going to start considering whether you’re really worthy of her and possibly becoming a part of her family, even in a casual way. All of the above listed qualifications will go into her decision about whether or not to take you home to meet mom and dad. If you fail to meet any of the qualifications, see what you can do to remedy your shortcomings.

Mr Nice Guy!

Wake Up, Nice Guy!

Hopefully, you’re not despairing over not being a bad boy. Nice guys have one major advantage over bad boys – nice guys pay attention and care about a woman’s needs. This is actually an advantage for a couple of reasons.

First, you have a natural ability to be tuned in and caring – that’s valuable, and women love it! Second, because you have a bit of awareness, you’re also more able to discern if any given woman is going to be a good fit for you.

Because of your attentive nature and the fact that you do pay attention, you’re in a better position to determine whether a girl is right for you, and whether she’s a good girl or a bad girl. Here’s something absolutely essential to keep in mind: Your hormones may try to misguide you!

Sometimes, even if you’re a really good guy, your hormones will bog down your ability to think and even care if she’s a nice girl or not. This is when you have to demonstrate some self-control and sound thinking. Before you find yourself in a situation that you may regret, you need to know how to tell a good girl from a bad girl.

A good girl dresses appropriately. That doesn’t mean she can’t look sexy, but she’s not letting herself spill out of her dress just for attention. She also has self control when it comes to drinking and even spending money.

Good girls pay attention to your needs, not just their own. She won’t rush into bed with you just because she thinks that’s the only way to get you to commit to her. She’s confident in her choices and decisions and doesn’t defer to you for everything.

Bad girls, on the other hand, try to win your affection by being overly promiscuous. She’ll dress too sexy, to the point you’re embarrassed for her, knowing every guy is assuming what kind of girl she is. She might also be flirting with every man in the room.

A bad girl also needs to get drunk or incapacitated in another way in order to relax and have fun. She doesn’t control herself with money, either, spending too much and complaining that she’s in debt up to her ears.

You might meet a bad girl who pressures you into going to bed together on the first date. If she’s like this with you, she might be like this with any man! Some women think the only way a guy will commit is through sex, so put her mind at ease and take the pressure off from the very beginning.

If she’s needy, she might be a bad girl in another way – as in high maintenance. What starts out as cute possessiveness turns into a raging jealousy that gets out of control and ruins your life. Find a woman who exudes confidence and interest in you (not one that seeks the attention of every man in the room).